If you’re reading this, you’re likely facing one of life’s most challenging transitions: divorce. During this time and beyond, the decisions you make, or fail to make, can impact your financial security, your relationship with your children, and your ability to move forward.
This comprehensive guide covers 20 critical mistakes we see people make during California divorces. We’ll walk you through financial pitfalls that could affect your future stability, custody mistakes that courts take seriously, legal process errors that create lasting problems, and modern digital-age mistakes that often go overlooked.
Financial Mistakes in California Divorce
1. Hiding Assets or Providing Incomplete Financial Disclosure
California law requires complete financial transparency during divorce. Both spouses must fully disclose all assets and debts using specific processes and forms like the FL-160, FL-150, FL-140, FL-141, and FL-142. This isn’t just a formality; it’s a legal requirement with serious consequences.
When one party attempts to hide assets or “forgets” to list certain accounts, it is easy to find for an experienced divorce attorney of the other party. California courts can impose significant sanctions. We’ve seen cases where hidden assets, once discovered, were awarded entirely to the other party as punishment for the deception.
Full disclosure means everything: checking and savings accounts, retirement and investment funds, vehicles, any property you own, whether yourself or jointly with any third party, cryptocurrency, business interests, and even debts you’d rather not discuss. The court will ask for a complete picture to ensure fair division.
2. Making Major Financial Moves During Divorce
Once divorce proceedings begin, your financial life enters a holding pattern. The moment you sign the petition, automatic temporary restraining orders attach to you, preventing you from transferring assets, canceling insurance, or removing children from California without your spouse’s knowledge and consent. Once you serve the petition on the other spouse, automatic restraining orders attach to them as well. Making significant financial changes, such as draining joint accounts, taking on major debt, or making expensive purchases, can backfire dramatically, as California courts may view these moves as potential misconduct.
The safest approach is to maintain the financial status quo. Continue paying regular bills, but avoid major transactions without agreement or court approval. If you genuinely need to make a significant financial decision, document the necessity and get your attorney’s guidance first.
3. Undervaluing or Overlooking Marital Assets
One of the most expensive mistakes in divorce is not knowing what you actually own, or what it’s worth. Many people overlook certain assets entirely, make rough guesses about values, or rely on representations of the other spouse. This leads to unfair settlements. A scenario we often see is when one spouse controls financials, and the other spouse has no access to information. We ensure our clients know the value of the marital estate. Our team will make the other side turn over documents and information, or will obtain this information through discovery.
Retirement accounts often hide significant value, especially with employer contributions or years of growth. Stock options and business interests are particularly complex: a “small side business” might have substantial value when closely looked at. Professional appraisals and valuations are worth the investment for real estate, businesses, and valuable collections.
Retirement accounts require special attention, as dividing them typically involves QDROs (Qualified Domestic Relations Orders). Without accurate valuations, you can’t make informed decisions about property division, and these mistakes can’t be undone after the divorce is finalized.
4. Ignoring Tax Consequences of Divorce Decisions
Divorce isn’t just about dividing assets. It’s about understanding what you’ll actually keep after taxes. Many financial decisions that seem fair on paper can result in unexpected tax bills that dramatically change the equation.
Key tax considerations include spousal support (no longer taxable or tax-deductible for California divorces after 2018), retirement account divisions that need proper handling to avoid immediate taxation, and property transfers that trigger capital gains when sold later. The family home presents unique challenges: if you keep it, you’ll inherit its tax basis and can only exclude $250,000 in capital gains as a single person versus $500,000 for married couples.
Professional guidance here is crucial. A tax professional familiar with divorce can help structure your settlement to minimize tax impact. Sometimes accepting different assets with similar values but better tax treatment makes more financial sense.
5. Fighting Over Minor Property Out of Spite
When dividing property, the cost-benefit analysis is simple: if legal fees exceed an item’s value, you’re losing money. Yet we regularly see clients spend $2,000-3,000 in attorney time fighting over furniture worth $800, or battling over kitchen appliances that could be replaced for a fraction of the litigation cost.
The smarter approach treats property division like a business transaction. Focus your negotiation time on items that materially impact your financial future or have irreplaceable sentimental value. Your post-divorce security depends on maximizing the value of your settlement, not winning symbolic victories over household goods.
Move through your divorce with confidence. Call (619) 517-2821 for a free consultation with experienced San Diego divorce attorneys.
Child Custody Mistakes in California Divorce
6. Using Children as Messengers or Weapons
One of the most damaging mistakes parents can make is putting children in the middle of their conflicts. It happens more easily than you might think, often starting with seemingly innocent requests like “Tell your mom I’ll pick you up at 6.”
California courts take a dim view of parents who use children to relay messages, question them about the other parent’s activities or time with the other parent, make negative comments about the other parent within child’s earshot, or withhold the children from the other parent to gain leverage. This behavior tells the court you’re prioritizing your agenda and conflict over your child’s wellbeing.
Custody evaluators specifically look for signs that parents are burdening children with adult issues. Even subtle actions, like heavy sighs when the other parent calls, can make a lasting impact on your child’s relationship with their co-parent and the child’s emotional wellbeing. Your children need protection from divorce conflicts, not participation in them. Communicate directly with your ex through text, email, or parenting apps. If that’s too difficult, work through attorneys or mediators.
7. Failing to Create a Detailed Parenting Plan
Vague custody agreements lead to future conflicts. “We’ll figure it out as we go” might sound flexible, but it often results in arguments that bring you back to court. California courts prefer comprehensive parenting plans that leave little room for misinterpretation.
Your plan should address specific pickup/drop-off times and locations, transportation responsibilities, and how to handle schedule changes. Be clear with holiday arrangements: will you alternate years or split days? Include birthday plans, summer vacation timelines, and three-day weekends.
Decision-making protocols matter too: who makes medical decisions, how to handle school selection, and who decides on extracurricular activities. The more detailed your plan, the less room for conflict later. Think through potential scenarios now while working with attorneys, rather than arguing about them later.
8. Posting on Social Media During Divorce
Social media posts during divorce can become courtroom evidence. That frustrated rant about your ex or those photos from a night out can be screenshot, saved, and presented to a judge as evidence of your judgment, lifestyle, expenses or parenting fitness.
The safest approach is to stay off social media entirely during divorce proceedings. If you must post, follow the “courtroom test”—would you be comfortable with a judge seeing this? Keep your profiles private, but remember that privacy settings aren’t foolproof. Mutual friends might share your posts, or your ex might have access through shared devices.
9. Neglecting California’s New Pet Custody Law
Many divorcing couples overlook a significant 2019 change in California law. Assembly Bill 2274 transformed how courts handle pet custody, moving beyond treating animals as simple property to considering their wellbeing. California courts now consider who primarily cared for the pet during marriage, who handles vet appointments, which party can better provide care, the pet’s attachment to children, and suitable living situations.
This means you should document your role as primary caregiver if you want to keep your pet. Save receipts for food and vet bills, keep records of daily care, and photograph yourself with your pet. Courts can even order joint custody arrangements, similar to children.
Don’t wait until the last minute to address pet custody. Being proactive shows the court you’re thinking comprehensively about all family members, including four-legged ones.
10. Exposing Children to New Relationships Too Soon
Dating during divorce is natural, but how and when you introduce new partners to your children matters significantly to California courts. Judges and custody evaluators worry about children experiencing a revolving door of adults during an already turbulent time. Bringing new partners around too quickly suggests you’re prioritizing your social life over your children’s emotional needs. This is especially problematic if you’re spending marital assets on new relationships or if children report discomfort to evaluators.
The general guidance is to keep new relationships completely separate from your children until well after divorce proceedings conclude. If you must date during divorce, meet partners away from home and never during your parenting time. Your children need stability and reassurance that both parents remain committed to them despite the changing family structure.
Move through your divorce with confidence. Call (619) 517-2821 for a free consultation with trusted San Diego divorce attorneys.
Legal Process Mistakes in California Divorce
11. Misunderstanding California’s 6-Month Waiting Period
California law mandates a six-month waiting period from the date your spouse is served with divorce papers. No California divorce can be finalized faster, regardless of how amicable or simple it is.
Common mistakes include assuming you’re divorced once papers are filed, attempting to remarry before receiving the final judgment. The six months start when your spouse is served, not when you file.
Even after six months pass, your divorce isn’t automatic. All paperwork must be complete and approved by the court. Some people wait months past the six-month mark because they haven’t finished the required steps. Until you have a court-conformed notice of entry of judgment of dissolution from the court, you remain legally married.
12. Providing Careless or Incomplete Documentation
In divorce proceedings, documentation is everything. California courts require extensive financial disclosures through mandatory forms, and judges base decisions on the evidence you provide. Sloppy or incomplete documentation undermines your credibility and can cost you significantly.
California requires detailed declarations of disclosure about income, expenses, assets, and debts. Missing accounts or estimating values makes you look careless or dishonest. Courts have little patience for “I forgot” or “I’ll get that information later.”
Beyond official forms, save everything that might matter: text messages about custody arrangements, emails discussing financial agreements, receipts for children’s expenses. That casual text where your spouse agreed to pay for summer camp could become crucial evidence.
Create a system now with dedicated email folders and screenshot important texts. It helps the court to make decisions when your request is supported by additional evidence.
13. Ignoring Court Orders or Missing Deadlines
People regularly damage their cases by treating court requirements casually. For instance, missing support payments can lead to contempt charges, wage garnishment, and even jail time. Ignoring visitation orders risks losing custody rights, and missing-document deadlines means evidence gets excluded, which means you may pay sanctions and attorney fees for the other party.
Beyond legal consequences, non-compliance destroys your credibility with the judge. Once you’re seen as someone who doesn’t follow orders, every claim you make becomes suspect. That reputation follows you through the entire case and into post-judgment modifications.
Set multiple reminders for every deadline and communicate with your attorney immediately if you can’t meet one. Extensions are sometimes possible if requested properly, but ignoring requirements never works.
14. Attempting DIY Divorce for Complex Cases
While California allows self-representation in divorce, attempting to handle complex cases yourself often leads to expensive mistakes. Online forms and courthouse facilitators can help with simple, uncontested divorces, but they can’t replace legal expertise when stakes are high.
DIY divorce becomes dangerous with significant assets, business ownership, retirement accounts requiring QDROs, custody disputes, or hidden assets. Missing important provisions in your judgment could haunt you for years.
Unfortunately, some mistakes can’t be undone after a judgment is final. The money saved on attorney fees rarely justifies the risk of permanent financial loss or negative custody consequences.
15. Choosing the Wrong Attorney
Not all divorce attorneys are created equal. Your cousin’s friend who does real estate law isn’t equipped to handle your family law case on the side. Even among family law attorneys, experience levels and approaches vary dramatically.
The right attorney brings specific family law experience and understands local San Diego court procedures. They provide realistic assessments rather than just telling you what you want to hear, and their communication style matches your needs.
Our attorneys are very experienced and specialize in divorce and family law. Scott Neinas holds a Certified Family Law Specialist designation—a credential earned by less than 1% of California attorneys through extensive experience, rigorous examination, and ongoing legal education. Elena Smolina brings 10+ years of corporate law experience, which is invaluable when handling complex financial matters. Her extensive litigation experience ranges from jury trials and multi-day custody hearings to complex financial discovery motions and emergency orders.
The attorney you choose shapes your entire divorce experience. Make sure yours has the experience, credentials, and approach that match your needs.
Move through your divorce with confidence. Call (619) 517-2821 for a free consultation with a California family law specialist.
Digital Technology Mistakes in California Divorce
16. Failing to Secure Your Digital Life and Online Presence
One of the most overlooked aspects of separation involves comprehensive digital security. During marriage, couples typically share passwords, devices, and accounts. That convenience becomes a massive vulnerability during divorce.
If your ex knows your email password, they can access attorney-client communications and other sensitive information. Banking logins expose your finances. Shared cloud storage reveals private documents.
Critical accounts needing immediate password changes include email, banking, cloud storage, social media, and shopping accounts. Enable two-factor authentication everywhere possible.
17. Destroying or Hiding Digital Evidence
While securing your digital life is important, going too far by destroying potential evidence will have negative consequences on your case. Once divorce proceedings begin, you have a legal duty to preserve relevant evidence, including digital communications.
Courts can impose serious sanctions, including financial penalties. Modern forensic tools often recover “deleted” data anyway, making the cover-up worse than the original content.
Consult your attorney before deleting or destroying anything. They’ll advise what must be preserved. Even unflattering evidence is better than sanctions for destroying evidence. Courts understand people aren’t perfect. But they do expect honesty in proceedings.
18. Letting Emotions Override Logic Throughout the Process
Divorce triggers intense emotions that can manifest in various destructive ways. It’s not uncommon to see people spend $3,000 in legal fees fighting over $500 furniture, drain accounts to spite their spouse, or reject fair offers because anger clouded judgment. These revenge-driven decisions rarely bring satisfaction but often bring financial hardship and damaged co-parenting relationships.
The solution isn’t suppressing emotions. It’s channeling them in ways that actually help you. You most certainly need to have an emotional outlet, whether through therapy, working out or being with friends and family. Work with a therapist, lean on support systems, and make major decisions only after the emotional storm passes. Ask yourself: “Am I doing this because it’s smart, or because I’m hurt?” Your future self will thank you for choosing logic over short-lived vindication.
Post-Divorce Mistakes in California Divorce
19. “Set It and Forget It” Estate Planning
One of the most dangerous post-divorce oversights involves outdated estate planning documents. Your divorce judgment doesn’t automatically update your will, trust, or beneficiary designations. Without immediate action, your ex-spouse could inherit your assets, make medical decisions for you, or control your children’s inheritance.
Critical documents requiring immediate updates include wills, living trusts, powers of attorney, and beneficiary designations on life insurance, retirement accounts, and bank accounts.
While California law provides some protection by automatically revoking certain provisions favoring ex-spouses in wills, don’t rely on these partial safeguards. Create a checklist during your divorce proceedings and tackle it immediately after finalization.
20. Overlooking Health Insurance and Financial Planning
If you were covered under your spouse’s health insurance, that coverage typically ends with divorce. COBRA (a federal law that lets you temporarily keep your employer’s health insurance after divorce) is an option, but it’s expensive—you’ll pay the full premium plus administrative fees. Many people discover too late that they can’t afford COBRA or missed the narrow enrollment window.
Research your options before divorce finalizes. Employer coverage usually provides the best value if available. Marketplace plans offer alternatives, but enrollment is limited to specific periods unless divorce qualifies you for special enrollment.
Financial planning extends beyond health insurance. Your budget must reflect new realities of single income and sole responsibility for expenses. Support payments aren’t always reliable, even from well-intentioned ex-spouses. Build an emergency fund and budget conservatively. Understanding when support payments arrive and how they’re calculated helps you plan accordingly. Likewise, if you are paying support, budget accordingly as this will be a large added expense.
Our Divorce Law Firm, Neinas Smolina APC, Will Help You Avoid These Mistakes
At Neinas Smolina APC, both founding partners, Scott Neinas and Elena Smolina, have personally experienced divorce with children. We know the sleepless nights, the financial worries, and the concern for your children’s future. This personal experience, combined with exceptional legal expertise and successful track record, means you get attorneys who truly understand what you’re facing and care about you.
When you work with us, we ensure the mistakes listed here, and many others, don’t happen to you. From your first consultation through your final paperwork, and even after your divorce is finalized, we provide expert guidance and personal attention you deserve.
Move through your divorce with confidence. Call (619) 517-2821 for a free consultation with experienced San Diego divorce attorneys.